“Telephone phobia (telephonophobia, telephobia, phone phobia) is reluctance or fear of making or taking phone calls, literally, “fear of telephones”. It is considered to be a type of social phobia or social anxiety.” – wikipedia
Friday July 7th
Today was my last therapy session. Am I allowed to say I am terrified? Cause I am absolutely terrified. I don’t really know what to do at this point. My therapist gave me a bunch of other options, all of which requires me to call people. I don’t get why I can’t just go there and ask them the questions I have. Face to face works so much better for me. It worries me cause a lot of times I get so nervous my voice shakes or at worst i’ll start crying. I know it’s not a rational fear, I don’t even know why or when this fear of calling started. When I was younger we used to prank call people, now I can barely call my family. It’s stupid, and it’s not the “fear of judgement” that makes me nervous, it’s just, not being able to see the person and reading their reaction. The fear of disturbing someone that might not wanna talk to me, or just disturbing them in general. In addition, I don’t like picking up the phone if I don’t know the number, which will be an issue now that i’m applying for jobs! How am I gonna know if the reach out if I can’t answer the phone?? What if they want a phone interview? This phobia is not very practical, and the only way to get rid of it is to actually start calling people!
On top of that, I’m not really at my highest point right now, so that makes the pressure of having to call even bigger and nerve-wracking. But I have to do it if i’m gonna get any help. What I’m looking into right now is a Partial Hospitalization service where I can get some intensive treatment without having to stay in a clinic all night. And I just wanna meet people who are in the same situation as me, where I don’t have to hide how I feel, because it’s come to the point where I can’t pretend i’m fine anymore. So honestly, partial hospitalization sounds like heaven right now, because I hate being alone with my thoughts in this condition.
I’m not sure i’ll grow the balls to call them in fear of starting to cry, I might go there and see if I can talk to them in person, and if not, i’ll go right outside and call them I guess.